SO you've sent off your carefully crafted and honed masterpiece and wait patiently by the door for the postman to arrive every day. And wait. And wait. And wait.
Sometimes media take ages to reply. Sometimes they don't bother at all.
You must be prepared to wait a long time to find out whether your submission has been accepted, especially if it is unsolicited. Six weeks is not unusual. Expect to wait three months for book or poetry submissions and four months for scripts for television, radio, film and stage.
Right, you've worn holes in the carpet inside the front door and beside the telephone. Now weeks down the line you've still not had a reply. So what do you do?
The action plan:
1. Wait another week, just in case.
2. Then telephone or write to make a polite inquiry - "just checking to make sure you have received it." If you write, don't forget to include a stamped, addressed envelope and include full details about the submission; to whom it was sent, its title, the intended publication or programme; and the date sent. Have those details to hand if you phone
3. If you cannot contact the relevant person, leave a message and don't forget to include your telephone number.
4. If there is still no reply within a week, then repeat step 2.
5. If this doesn't prompt an answer, then write a brief letter saying that you intend to offer your piece elsewhere.
6. If an editor then replies and says they are still considering your piece and would like more time, unless you really have another buyer, my advice would be to agree.
7. An editor might reply and say the piece has got lost in the post (you'd be surprised at the number of times submissions get "lost in the post"!). In this case, send another copy.
8. A final piece of advice: always be meticulously polite and friendly. You never know when you might have dealings with the recipient again. Even if an editor changes, they may still have the same secretary who will warn their boss about Mr X, "the awkward one". Of course, when you are as famous as Keith Waterhouse or Tom Wolfe, you can be as rude as you like but until then, rein in your annoyance.
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